I Wish!
by Gohan Roxas
Summary: Kairi Hart is my absolute No.1 best friend. And I'm head-over-heels in love with her. So when a guy at the markets offers me a tonic that he says can make almost any wish come true… Well, you would, wouldn't you? AU. SoKai, SoKai everywhere! Rated T for language and themes.
1. The Tonic

_**I randomly had this idea while I was walking home from uni, so I started writing it. Enjoy.**_

To quote a great writer of our generation, "Being in love with your best friend sucks." You wanna know how I know that that's true? Because I, Sora Hikari, am desperately, hopelessly, irrevocably head-over-heels in love with my best friend.

Her name (yes, my best friend is a girl, so sue me) is Kairi Hart, and she is absolutely perfect in every single way imaginable.

I'm not even exaggerating here. Picture, if you will, the most beautiful woman you can possibly imagine. Give her auburn hair and blue eyes and you've got the object of my affections.

What a stupid phrase that is. 'Object of my affections'. It makes your crush/partner sound like a chair or something. And Kairi is far from being a chair. Although it would be nice…

Dammit, Sora! Get your head outta the gutter! Now!

Anyway, being in love with your best friend sucks even more if she's dating your twin brother. And Kairi is doing exactly that. She's been dating my (technically) older brother Roxas for about six months now. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them and all, but…I just wish that it was _me_, you know?

Now my twin isn't a douchebag or anything (my older brother Vanitas is, though), but I know something Kairi doesn't: Roxas is in love with her sister Naminé. He has been for a long time. Kinda makes me wonder why he's dating Kairi in the first place.

Long story short, I'm now at the Island Markets, looking for the perfect gift for my secret crush. A necklace or something, maybe.

"The finest merchandise this side of the Destiny Sea right here, on sale today!" a voice broke through my reverie. I smiled to myself. It was my old pal Genie.

Genie was, of course, not his real name, but no-one knew what that was, so everyone called him Genie. Even Genie called him Genie. He was one of those guys that you couldn't help but like. An open, honest face covered in a short black beard, and he was fit-looking. He wore trademark gold bangles on his arms, and he was always wearing blue.

"Sora!" Genie shouted when he saw me. "My boy, my main man!" He peered at me. "What's got you so down, Sora?" He drooped slightly as he said it.

I laughed slightly at his antics. "Nothing much. It's just…"

Genie's eyes glinted mischievously. "Girl trouble?"

"How did you…?"

He tapped his nose. "I have my ways." I still shudder to think what those 'ways' were. "I have the perfect thing to help!" He rummaged through his boxes, muttering to himself as he did. "Ah-ha!" he shouted eventually, pulling out a glass bottle that contained a red liquid.  
"What's that?" I asked.

"This, kid, is the patented Genie Wishing Tonic!" he proclaimed grandly. "Guaranteed to grant you one wish. All you have to do is drink it, and hey presto, one granted wish!"

"Any one wish?"

"Ah, no. There are a few provisos, _quid pro quos _etc. It can't kill anybody, it can't make anybody fall in love with anybody else, and it can't bring people back from the dead."

"Oh-kay…" I eyed the bottle suspiciously. It seemed too good to be true. Also, all I really wanted was Kairi, and how was this gonna help me?

Then again…

Oh, what the hell.

"How much?" I asked Genie.

The jovial peddler grinned at me. "For you, kid, no charge." He handed me the bottle, still grinning. "Go on, get outta here and try it out!" he ushered me off.

I grinned back at him and walked off, clutching the bottle in one hand.

Behind me, I could hear Genie was once again procuring his wares. That guy may be a bit of a crackpot, but you can't fault his commitment.

**KH**

After my mom laid out a delicious dinner (Chinese takeout, since you asked), I reclined on my bed, staring at the bottle of Genie's Wishing Tonic. I kept wondering about how this could possibly help me win over Kairi.

Then it hit me.

I opened the bottle and held it up to my eye level. "I wish I knew what Kairi thought about me," I whispered. I tipped the bottle and drank the tonic.

It was all I could do to not go into a prolonged choking fit. That stuff tasted _horrible_. I persevered, however, and drank the whole bottle.

I sat there for a while, not feeling any different.

Then my world blacked out as I collapsed onto my bed.

**KH**

When I woke up, I was on top of my quilt. I could remember distinctly drinking that tonic, then nothing. Shaking the cobwebs out of my head, I got up and came downstairs.

When I got into the living room, I saw Kairi and Roxas holding hands, watching my brother Ventus playing some game called _Kingdom Hearts_. That's a stupid name for a game. Who in their right mind would play a game with a name like that, especially when everybody's main weapon of choice is a giant key?

I'm looking at you guys, by the way.

"Hey guys," I said drowsily.

"Hey, bro," Ventus said, distracted.

"'Sup," Vanitas murmured from a couch.

"Hey, Sor." That was Roxas. Only he was allowed to call me that.

"Hi," Kairi said simply.

Then I suddenly heard her voice again, and this time her lips didn't move. _You know, Sora looks pretty cute when he's sleepy._

I blushed at that, and thought back. Was Kairi…thinking that? How did I…?

Wait. The _tonic!_ That stupid, foul-tasting tonic worked! I felt like jumping for joy.

Kairi tilted her head. _What's up with him today? He looks so distracted. *giggle* That's kinda cute, too. Wait, why am I calling Sora cute? Must be because he's Roxie's twin *nervous laugh*. Yeah, that's it._

I raised an eyebrow. Kairi thought I was cute? Thank you, Genie.

**KH**

School started the same way it always did. Roxas went off with his soccer teammates, Riku, Hayner and Tidus, leaving me with Kairi, Olette, Pence and Yuna.

For the uneducated, Olette is Hayner's long-time girlfriend. They'd been dating since middle school, when Olette had randomly blurted, "I LOVE YOU, HAYNER PRINCETON!" in a crowded hallway.  
Pence is Hayner's second best friend, just behind Roxas. He was an aspiring photographer, and so had a camera dangling from his neck.

Yuna is in the same boat as me. No, she's not in love with Kairi like me. She is, however, hopelessly in love with someone who has no idea of her true feelings. In her case it's Tidus, Roxas' other soccer buddy.

So this was our motley crew for the entirety of the school day. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I could talk to Yuna about my Kairi crush without getting teased (Olette and Pence tease me incessantly about it), and any time I spend with Kairi is time well spent, in my opinion.

One negative thing, though: Olette and Pence are English nerds, meaning they absolutely _love_ things like Shakespeare, and debate it constantly. Though not eloquently.

"_Macbeth_!" Olette shouted.

"_Hamlet_!" Pence countered.

"_Macbeth_!"

"_Hamlet_!"

Yuna groaned into her hands. "Make it stop!"

I comically threw my face between Olette and Pence. "_Titus Andronicus_!"

They glared at me for a while, before nodding appreciatively and backing down.

_What the hell just happened? _I heard Kairi muse in my head.

"What they hell did you just do, Sora?" Yuna asked, almost mirroring Kairi's mental statement.

"They were arguing about which one of Shakespeare's plays is the bloodiest. Olette thought it was _Macbeth_, and Pence thought _Hamlet_. I cut them off with the _real_ bloodiest Shakespeare play: _Titus Andronicus_."

"You know Shakespeare?" Kairi asked disbelievingly. _That's kinda sexy. No! Stop it, Kairi! You're dating Roxas. __**Roxas. **__Remember? _I blushed, not that she noticed.

"My mom was a bit of an English nut," I explained.

Olette checked her moogle watch. "Where are they? Their training session ended about ten minutes ago!"

"Though you're not keeping count, right?" Pence teased.

Olette stamped forcefully on his foot, and he whimpered in pain.

"Here they come," Yuna said, blushing.

_Why's she blushing? _Kairi and I both thought, before seeing Hayner and Tidus walking towards us. _Oh. That's why._

Tidus was shirtless, his tanned skin out for the world to see. Hayner was more modest, wearing a shirt that kept his muscular arms bare. Olette tried, and failed, to keep her eyes off those arms.

"Where's Roxas?" I asked at the exact same time as Kairi thought it.

Hayner shrugged. "He and Riku stayed out at the pitch a little while longer."

"And I'd imagine that Riku's probably scoring with one of those girls," Tidus remarked, winking at Yuna, who blushed even harder.

"I'll go get them," I offered, and Kairi looked at me gratefully. I blushed again and ran off.

**KH**

I eventually got to the soccer pitch, and Riku was nowhere in sight. I spotted a blonde head on a nearby bench, and I ran to it. Must be Roxas. But why is he just sitting there?

When I got close, I discovered he wasn't just sitting there.

He was making out with Naminé.

Oh, shit.

_**Dun-dun-dun! CLIFFHANGER!**_

…

…_**Sorta.**_

_**Anyway, PLEASE REVIEW.**_


	2. Attack of the Mini-Soras

_**You like me, you really like me! XD**_

_**Anyway, here's chapter two.**_

You know that feeling you get when you're battling with yourself?

Yeah. I've got it.

Part of me _really_ wants to tell Kairi about the RokuNami moment I saw (wait, did I just give them a couple name? I really need to get a life); if I do that, there's a chance that she might become interested in me, after all.

The other part wants to keep it a secret. Kairi's happiness is my priority, and if she's happier with Roxas, then that's fine.

The whole thing culminated in those two parts of my brain appearing on my shoulders.

Not kidding. My brain went 'poof!' and all of a sudden, I had a mini-me on each shoulder. One was dressed in a full red body suit, complete with horns and tail, carrying a red trident. The other wore a white robe, had white wings on its back and a halo over its head.

"Whoa! Where the hell did you guys come from?" I exclaimed once I saw them.

"Well, I came from hell, bucko," the red-garbed one said in a harsh-sounding piping voice.

"While I'm from the polar opposite…literally," the white-robed me continued in a sophisticated tone.

"Wait…I have a shoulder angel and devil now?"

They looked at each other before answering. "Not really."

"Whaddya mean 'not really'?"

"It's only for this chapter," the devil deadpanned.

"What chapter?"

"Sorry," the angel apologised, "but I think the 4th wall's been damaged enough for now, wouldn't you say?"

The devil nodded. "Yes. Yes I would."

"Would you guys please start making sense?!" I yelled.

"Sorry," they said together.

"We represent your indecision on the matter at hand," the angel started. "I represent the good side…"

"Hence the dress," devil-me teased.

"Hey! It's a robe!"

"And I represent the bad side," the devil continued, ignoring angel-me's indignation. He jumped off my shoulder and onto my bedside table.

"What exactly do you mean by good and bad side?"

"Well, he is the part of you that wants to tell Kairi about Roxas' cheating for your own selfish gain," angel-me explained.

"Yes I am." The devil struck an obscene pose. "Just think about the fact that you could be doing this to…"

"Think of the younger readers!" angel-me shouted.

"Hey!" devil-me yelled back. "I thought we weren't breaking the 4th wall anymore!"

"Sorry."

I threw my face into my hands. Great. The tonic had a side-effect that Genie never told me about. It sent me nuts.

"He's the part of you that only wants what's…" the devil sneered the next word, "_best_ for Kairi."

"Okay…" I nodded slowly. "So basically the devil wants me to tell her, and the angel wants me to stay quiet."

The two of them looked at each other and shrugged. "Pretty much, yeah."

"Then why the hell didn't you just say that in the first place?!"

"There are a few rules we as shoulder entities have to follow," angel-me started explaining, but devil-me told him to shut up.

I sat there, still not believing I was having a conversation with two miniature versions of myself. Then a thought came to me. If you can't agree…

"A compromise!" I shouted, standing up. That caused the angel to fall off my shoulder and onto my bed. It let out an 'ow' once it landed. "Sorry."

"Whaddya mean, compromise?" the devil demanded.

"Exactly what I said. I'll let Kairi know about Roxas' womanising ways without actually telling her!"

The angel sat up on the bed, adjusting its halo. "That could work."

"But how?" the devil protested lamely.

"Well, the best way is to get Roxas to tell her."

"And how are you gonna do that?"

I smiled. "Blackmail." I walked out the door and towards my brother's room.

Back in my own room, the angel and devil stood next to each other. The devil was sniffling.

"There goes our baby," he blubbered, "off to potentially ruin other people's lives. Aren't you proud?"

"Oh, shut up," the angel sneered, knocking his opposite on the head with his harp.

Then they vanished.

**KH**

Roxas was playing some obscure game called _Final Fantasy_ when I walked into his room. "Hey, Sor," he greeted me.

"Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Calling me 'Sor'. You've lost that privilege."

"When did that happen?"

"When you started making out with Naminé!"

The room fell into dead silence. Roxas paused the game and stood up. "What?" he said in a quiet voice.

"You heard me. I saw you two. Kairi was worried that something had gone wrong at training, so I went looking for you. You didn't see me, of course. You were too busy sucking on your girlfriend's sister's FACE!" I was absolutely livid (or had you noticed?).

Roxas' angry bravado fell away and he collapsed onto his bed, not looking at me.

"How could you do that to her?" I continued. "She's completely and utterly in love with you. She won't shut up about how amazing you are." That was a half-truth. She rarely gushed about Roxas, but when she did, it was for a _very _long time. "I just… You know, I lost a lot of respect for you when…" I stopped when I heard a strangled sound coming from my twin's throat.

Roxas was crying.

This was weird. Roxas _never_ cried. He didn't shed a tear at the end of _Titanic_, nor did he cry at sad situations in real life. I always thought that Roxas was born with no tear ducts. Turns out I was wrong.

"Roxas?" I asked, my tone gentler now.

"I just…" he sobbed, "I love them both so much."

"Both?"

Roxas nodded and sniffed loudly. "I've been in love with Naminé for as long as I can remember." This was not news to me. "Then Kairi asked me to the dance six months ago, and…" He paused and took a deep breath. "I started to fall for her too."

I looked at him with sympathy in my eyes. Roxas was in an even tougher situation than me.

"When I saw Naminé at that training session, all my thoughts of Kairi went out the window. She…" He looked at me, and his eyes were red from tears already. "She said she loved me, Sora. I…I couldn't help it." He bowed his head again and cried.

I placed a consoling hand on his shoulder. "Then tell Kairi that."

He looked at me like I was totally insane. I probably was, now that I think about it.

"She's not the vindictive type," I continued, to which my brother nodded. "If you tell her what you just told me, she'll understand…eventually."

Roxas gave a slight chuckle at that. After a while, he nodded decisively. "Okay, I'll tell her tomorrow." He smiled sadly at me. "Thanks, Sora."

I gave him a smile back. "I take it back. You can call me 'Sor' again."

He chuckled and hugged me. "Thanks, Sor."

Standing on the door were my temporary angel and devil. The angel had tears in his eyes.

The devil looked at him. "Oh, for shit's sake, dude. Grow some balls."

Angel-me smacked him over the head with his harp again. "Younger readers, remember?"

**KH**

The next day at school, Roxas took Kairi aside and told her the whole story. She cried, of course. She even said that she hated him. But that's not what she was thinking.

_He loves Naminé_, she thought. _Of course. Why didn't I see it? She's loved him forever and a day. Of course he loves her back._

As she walked away, a thought came to her mind which nearly gave me a nosebleed. _Well, that's over. At least this means I can start flirting with Sora without feeling guilty about it._

Genie, I take back what I said about the tonic sending me round the bend. That stuff is _amazing_.

**KH**

Somewhere above my head, the mini-angel-me and mini-devil-me hovered in the sky. The angel was on a white nimbus, and the devil was on a storm cloud.

"Don't you just love endings like that?" the angel teased.

Devil-me scowled. "This isn't the end, you know."

"Of course I do. I meant that it's a good way to end the chapter."

The devil nodded begrudgingly. "I guess you're right." He looks directly at you. _Wait, can he see me?_ you think, panicking slightly in front of your screen.

"Hey! Reader! The author wants me to tell you that if you really liked us, put that in your review, and he might bring us back someday. SO SAY YOU LIKE US!"

The angel threw his halo at the devil, hitting him squarely in the head. "Stop being mean to the readers. If you are, they might say how much they hate you and not bring us back."

Devil-me sneered. "I hate it when you're right." They both vanished.

Meanwhile, you stare uncomprehendingly at your screen, wondering what the hell just happened.

_**I think I just put a sledgehammer through the 4**__**th**__** wall, then blew it up with dynamite, then disintegrated the remnants with a laser. Sorry about that.**_


	3. Shock to the System

_**I've been getting a few reviews about how much people liked the mini-Soras, so I've decided to make a poll on my profile. Check it out once you've finished reading this chapter.**_

Back up a sec. Did Kairi say (and by say, I mean _think_) that she wanted to flirt with me? Plain old awkward me? She did, didn't she? Well, I can only do one thing in response to that.

HAPPY DANCE!

In case you're wondering (and you're probably not), my happy dance looks like this: I move my feet up and down quickly while swinging my bent arms in front of me _**(A/N: Look up 'John Green happy dance' on YouTube and you'll probably get it)**_. I was, of course, doing this when Ven walked into my room. "Sora?" he asked, barely containing his laughter. "What the hell are you doing?"

Crap.

"Uh…" I scratched the back of my head, embarrassed.

"Spill, Sora." He gave me an innocent look. "I promise not to tell anyone."

I sighed. Even though Ven was deliberately putting on the cutesy face, I knew that he wouldn't tell. He was just that kinda guy. "Fine. Genie gave me something he called a Wishing Tonic two days ago."

Ven raised an eyebrow. "Did it work?"

I nodded.

"Well, what did you wish for?" he demanded.

"I wished that I knew what Kairi thought of me."

He laughed slightly at me, but nodded. "And…?"

"And I can now hear her thoughts."

He stopped laughing and stared at me, shock in his eyes. "What?"

"I'm serious!"

"Right." He grabbed my arm and dragged me downstairs. "Kairi's here right now, so tell me what she's thinking."

"Ow! That's my arm!" I protested as Kairi, Roxas (to whom Kairi had explained the fake tantrum last night) and Vanitas came into view. My brothers were playing _Marvel vs Capcom 3_; Vanitas had Wesker, Doctor Doom and Super-Skrull, while Roxas had Deadpool, Dante and Zero. My twin was getting his digital butt handed to him.

"Hey guys!" Ven shouted over the game and my protests. Kairi smiled cutely at me (yes, I blushed), then frowned. _Why is Ven pulling on Sora's arm so hard? What a bully! I always thought that Vanitas was the aggressive brother. Guess I was wrong._

I grinned and whispered what Kairi had just thought into Ven's ear.

"Holy shit, you can!" he said quietly.

Kairi gave us a weird look. _What's up with them? Oh well, Sora's still cute. It doesn't really matter._

IF THIS IS A DREAM, NOBODY WAKE ME UP.

Kairi got up and walked towards me, looking shy. Wait…Kairi, shy? Those two words have never been used in the same sentence…**ever**. "Can I talk to you?"

"Uh, sure."

She grabbed my hand and led me out of the room, to the catcalls of my brothers (Vanitas beat Roxas, since you're asking). _Okay, this is it. I'm gonna do it_, Kairi's thoughts came rushing into my head. _I'm gonna ask Sora out right now. _Now?! Not that I'm complaining, but…she just got out of a long-term relationship…**with my brother!**

Anyway, she dragged me into the kitchen by the hand (again, not complaining) and looked at me, a flush in her cheeks.

"Uh, what's up?" I asked, faking ignorance.

"Well, I, uh…" _Oh, how am I gonna say it? What if he doesn't like me back? Oh no, I couldn't take that!_

Kairi, you are making it really hard for me to keep my secret.

"Kairi?"

_Oh, screw it_, she thought. Whoa. Kairi swearing? I wasn't even expecting her to do that in her head.

She clamped her lips to mine.

OH MY FREAKING GOD. THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

I (regretfully) push her away, shock written all over my face.

She sees it, and a tear starts to run down her perfect cheek. "I knew it. You don't…" She held back a sob. "I'm sorry." She turned and ran out of the house, crying.

Well, that went well.

**KH**

When she left, Kairi's thoughts were way too incoherent to follow. It was mostly '_I knew it, Sora doesn't like me like that'_ (which is a lie, incidentally) _'he's gonna hate me now, I've ruined our friendship, I need to get outta here now!'_ Unfortunately, she didn't think about where she was going, so I had no idea.

Luckily, as I was searching for her, I ran into her half-brother Axel. Literally. I was running along looking for her when I slammed into him, planting us both flat on our asses on the pavement.

"Hey, watch it next time, will ya, Sora?" he protested.

"Sorry, Axel, it's just…" I sighed. "Kairi and I had a bit of a misunderstanding. She ran away crying, and now I'm looking for her in order to explain."

Axel's green eyes widened. "Sounds like she'll be at the Secret Place."

"Secret Place?" I asked.

He nodded. "It's a little café near the beach. Whenever she's upset she gets some sea salt ice cream and a paopu juice from there."

I smiled at him. "Thanks, Axel. I owe you one."

"That you do. Got it memorized?"

I grinned at his stupid catchphrase. "I'll see you around!" I shouted as I ran towards the shore.

"If you find Kairi, tell her I said 'hi'!" the redhead shouted after me.

"Will do!"

**KH**

Just like Axel said, I found Kairi at the Secret Place. If she was getting the usual, she hadn't ordered yet. I calmly walked into the café and spoke to the attendant. "Two sea salt ice creams and two paopu juices, thanks." She nodded and collected my money before grabbing the order, which I carefully carried over to Kairi's table; I sat directly in front of her and placed the drink and ice cream in front of her.

She looked at them, shocked. I didn't even need to read her thoughts to know what that meant.

"I learnt from a very reliable source that you come here and order this if you've had a bad day," I explained.

"Who?"

"Axel. He says hi, by the way."

She smiled slightly, but it faded instantly. _Why is he even here? He made it well known that he doesn't like me like that, so why's he here now? To humiliate me even more? _I started to tear up at that thought.

"Listen, Kairi, back at the house…I think you might've gotten the wrong idea."

She stared at me.

"I pulled away when you kissed me…well, because I was shocked. I seriously wasn't expecting it."

She bowed her head again. "No need to explain, Sora. I know that you don't…"

"I do."

"What?"

"You were about to say, 'I know that you don't like me like that,' weren't you?"

Dumbly, Kairi nodded.

"Well, I've got news for you, Kairi Hart." I got up from my seat and knelt next to her.

"I don't…" I started.

"I knew it!" she sobbed.

"Will you let me finish?" I protested mildly.

She shut up.

I licked my dry lips and started again. "I don't just _like_ you, Kairi. I…" I came _this close _to chickening out, I'm telling you. But I didn't. I said it.

"I love you."

She blushed as she looked at me.

This time, I was the one to kiss her.

_Wait…is Sora kissing me? Me? OH MY FREAKING GOD. THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE._ I grinned internally at her mirroring my thought from before.

She greedily reciprocated the kiss, and it started to turn a little…how do I put this..._animalistic_, before I pulled away (again, regretfully). Kairi pouted cutely at me, causing me to laugh and tap her lower lip with my finger.

"I don't think we're ready for that, do you?" I teased.

She blushed before nodding. "You're probably right."

We sculled our paopu juices before picking up our ice creams and walking out of the café, hand in hand.

We both thought the same thing.

_Life is __**good.**_

_**I'm in a fluffy mood, okay? Deal with it.**_

_**I'm just kidding, I love you all.**_

_**REVIEW! PLEASE!**_


	4. Revenge of the Mini-Soras

_**It's BACK! Yes! I finally got some ideas!**_

* * *

OOH, BABY, DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S WORTH? OOH, HEAVEN IS A PLACE ON EARTH!

Uh… Sorry about that. It's just…I'm dating the girl of my dreams! And I can hear all the cute things she thinks about me! AWESOME!

Oh, sorry if I made you gag from the lovey-dovey stuff.

I stood in front of my full-length mirror (so I had one of those, what of it?) and adjusted my tie. I was taking Kairi to a fancy restaurant for our official first date, despite all the make-out sessions we were having on a daily basis.

I turned around to see something I'd hoped to never see again.

My personal angel and devil.

"I thought you guys were gone," I said, trying to hide the strain in my voice.

"We were," the angel replied. "But the readers were nice and wanted us back."

"Yeah, too bad the author was too fu…"

"LANGUAGE!" the angel roared.

"…freaking lazy to update the story for a long time," the devil finished lamely.

A booming voice came from the direction of the ceiling. _**I didn't have a lot of ideas, alright?!**_

"Yeah, whatever."

_**Do you want me to kill you off?!**_

"Okay, okay, I'm shutting up!"

_**Much better.**_

"What the hell was that?!" I demanded.

"The author…" angel-me answered, his voice awed. "He almost never interferes directly."

"Man, he's cranky," devil-me muttered, rubbing his ears.

"So…" I said then, "why are you guys here? I just need to ask to make this conversation a little more normal."

"Eh, normalcy's extremely overrated," devil-me said nonchalantly. _**(A/N: Please don't murder me, Unknowing Herald.)**_

"Nevertheless, we have to tell him," the angel retorted. Then he looked at me. "Basically, we're here to give you a choice."

"Again?" I groaned.

"Yes, again. This time you have to choose between telling Kairi about your ability to hear her thoughts, or to keep it a secret."

"But I'm screwed either way?" I guessed.

"Correctamundo, big guy," devil-me smirked.

I sighed. "Well, I'm not gonna tell her. At least, not yet."

"Probably the best course of action," the angel agreed with me.

Devil-me rolled his eyes.

"Well…" I adjusted my tie again. "It's been real nice to talk to you again, but I have a date to get to. So go on. Disappear. Am-scray. Vanish. Beam up. Teleport. Use Fly. Whatever it is you do."

"Can't do that, bucko," the devil grinned.

"Why not?"

"We're stuck here until the end of the chapter."

"Ugh, fine, but stay away from my date!" I walked out, ignoring the odd looks from my family.

Back in the room, the angel was playing his harp and singing. "_Girl, you're amazing just the way you are…_"

Devil-me knocked him on the head. "No Bruno Mars! I prefer dubstep." He started banging his head and making odd noises with his mouth.

The harp nailed the devil in the head, knocking him out. "You call that crap music?" the angel asked acidly.

**KH**

Kairi was waiting for me at the restaurant. "Where were you? You're half an hour late."

"Sorry. Family trouble." Well, that was _half_ right.

"It's okay." She kissed me quickly then sat back down.

I took my seat and picked up a menu. "So what are you thinking of getting?"

"Probably just a risotto. You?"

"Well…" I scanned the menu. "Maybe…the seafood marinara."

She nodded decisively and beckoned a waiter, who took their order. _I hope he's a messy eater,_ Kairi's thoughts echoed in my head. _That'll give me an excuse to lick his face._

I blushed a deep red and took a sip of my water. "Oh, did I mention how good you look tonight?" I said to her.

Now it was her turn to blush. "Thanks. You look…OK, I guess." _Actually, he looks dead sexy. Man, I just want to slam him onto the table and…_ I think it'd be best if we didn't go into too many details. Anyway, that thought nearly gave me a nosebleed.

The food arrived, and I decided to show off a little. "_Grazie_," I told the waiter.

"_Prego_," he replied with a tilt of his head; he walked off to take another order.

"Was that Italian?" Kairi asked.

I nodded. "I know a little." Very little. I could count to ten, say thank you, and yes. For some reason I didn't know how to say no in Italian.

"Impressive." _Oh God, he's even sexier now! _Her fantasy this time was so lewd I can't tell you about it at all.

I held up my fork in a mock toast. "Cheers."

She giggled. _He's such a dork. I love him for that._ She held up her spoon. "Cheers."

Our cutlery clinked together and we started eating.

As we ate we made small talk and nudged each other's hands affectionately. Kairi kept having fantasies that distracted me from eating. One of them…well, let's just say it involved handcuffs and a blindfold. Huh. Who knew Kairi was into that kind of thing?

Dammit, Sora! Focus!

**KH**

A while later I had escorted Kairi home, and she had absolutely _insisted_ that I accompany her in. Her fantasies had finally cleared up, so I knew my purity was safe.

When we got inside, my brother and her sister were busily making out.

"Okay, did not expect to see that," I said before I could stop myself.

Roxas and Naminé broke off and looked at my hand, which was interlocked with Kairi's.

"Took you guys long enough," Roxas smirked.

"What?" I asked at the same time as Kairi thought it.

"I knew you two liked each other," he explained. "I was just waiting for you to break it off, Kai."

"I wouldn't do that!" Kairi protested. "I liked you too!" _But I didn't want to _– oh boy, another lewd fantasy – _you like I do Sora._

Roxas shrugged.

"You were kinda obvious about it before you started dating Roxas," Naminé giggled.

She blushed. "Shut up!" _Great. Now any hopes I had for tonight are dashed. I guess I'll just have to… _My God, was the woman _that_ sexually frustrated?

I turned to her. "Tonight was…"

I didn't get to finish the sentence, as Kairi had slammed her tongue down my throat.

Above me, the angel and devil had disobeyed my orders and were hovering on their clouds. "Ah, nice and sweet," the angel smiled.

"Except for all those fantasies Kairi has. Ooh, what a bad girl!"

Angel-me threw his halo at the devil for that last remark. "Oh, and I should say…" He looked at you. "Thank you for bringing us back."

The two of them vanished, leaving you smiling.


End file.
